I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize