So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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