You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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