New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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