i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
