I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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