i just wanna soil my oats bro
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
