Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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