Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Green mimosas i think yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
