i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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