**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
