So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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