Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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