he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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