if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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