I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
