Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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