I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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