nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
