...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
