Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
