You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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