so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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