Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
