i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
