Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize