"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
