Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
