That's when you crack a 10am beer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
