there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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