tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
