How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
