i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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