her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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