you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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