She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
