I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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