So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
