so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
