i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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