It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
