Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize