I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
