Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize