Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
