In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
