The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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