Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
