Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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