Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As shirtless as possible
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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