I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
