i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my shit smells like andre
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
