well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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