Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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