he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
