Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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