There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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