Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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