allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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