I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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