If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
