This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
