In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I understand Curling. That high.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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