Already got asked if we're dating
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
