Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
