My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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