He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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