SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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