Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
