My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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