I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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