It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
