just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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