Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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