Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
